Chief, Minister?
Hello.
Look at this place… dusty and unused. It’s got that musty smell of a room which has been closed for like, five months.
Oh, right.
So before I begin with my dose of schmuck, I have to say – New Year’s resolution : Blog atleast twice a month. Now I know that’s not a very lofty goal, but considering I haven’t blogged in nearly six months, I think twice a month is a reasonable target.
<Schmuck> (Warning : Sarcasm Ahead)
Recently in the news, I saw this gem of an article gracing the front pages of The New Indian Express. Please go look at it. It’s not very long, and it’s infinitely entertaining. As a little bit of a juxtaposition (yeah, I’m totally showing off my vocabulary), glance through this, and that. Granted, they aren’t the most recent articles on the planet. But they paint the general picture. The hunger report released this year clearly says that the situation hasn’t changed dramatically.
Also, these and other glimmers of hope in the desert of ignorance are the result of an Anti Cow-Slaughter Law passed in Madhya Pradesh, which puts the onus of proving innocence on the accused. Rest assured there has already been (atleast) one case of abuse of this law. How lovely. The law also sets up a 500 crore mega cow-pen, a model for cow conservation across the country.
What is really alarming though, is that we have the Chief Minister of a state, a pretty massive state at that, spouting complete gibberish. “But how is that different from usual?” I hear you cry in indignation “Surely, as a politician that’s his birthright!”. Well, not really methinks. Let’s go through that article point by laborious point, shall we?
A) Only those houses with cow dung coated on the inside escaped the 1984 Bhopal Gas Tragedy – After having done a (kind of) extensive Google search, the only references I came up with for this claim was… surprise surpise, this article. Although, to be fair, I did find this website which claimed antiseptic properties of cowdung and have also claimed scientific evidence. I have emailed them asking for the same, and I shall happily update this with my findings.
B) There are only two ways to remain insulated from nuclear radiation, and one of them is to use cow dung : This is where my jaw dropped when I read the article (mainly because in the printed version, I read this one first). Yeah, sure. A way to be insulated from nuclear radiation? Stay the hell away. But no. That’s not sensible enough for our ever-so-scrupulous Chief Minister. His solution? Cover yourself with cow-pat and grin like an idiot in the face of nukular radiation. Totally going to work.
C) Using cow dung can ensure normal delivery instead of C Section : I don’t even begin to want to know where said cow dung will be er… used.
D) Those who drink the milk of jersey cows and buffaloes commit more crime than those who drink desi cow’s milk : Well, I’d have thought this was obvious, no? After all, we all know that the Indian cow is sacred, and could never have the cunning to inject these little doses of evil into it’s milk. But the Jersey Cow? Damn Americans have no sense of values anyway!
E) Only the cow can save mankind. Just touching it can stabilize blood pressure : When I started out wanting to critique this guy’s intellect, I really didn’t think it would be as easy as quoting him and sitting back to watch the fun. Unless you’re a moophile, of whatever you call people who enjoy cows, I highly doubt the efficacy of petting a cow when you’re artery is about to pop from pressure.
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Further down the article, some other chap who seems related to nothing, says “Foreign cows give poisoned milk. They have A1 protein, which causes autism.” I stopped to think here. Hmm. Maybe these guy do have a point.
But a quick Wikipedia search revealed that, well, all cows have this protein.
Tough luck buddy. Guess you can never drink milk again, for fear of mental damage. Oh, sorry. Looks like that’s already happened, my bad.
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Amidst all this uproar of cows and slaughter and anti-nuclear propaganda that the Chief Minister seems keen on spreading, he’s also got time to go on hunger strikes! Well, I guess his hunger struck after about twenty minutes.
Or maybe the pangs in his tummy reminded him too much of the state of the people he’s meant to be governing.
</schmuck>
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.