Recently, I realised that on a 100 rupee note, in really tiny writing just under the big one-zero-zero, it says the following :
‘I promise to pay the bearer of this note a sum of rupees hundred’
It got me wondering… what?!
We promise to pay the bearer of this note? So we aren’t actually getting paid anything, then?
That’s a bit sad.
I mean, there’s all those millions, billions of people, getting paid in promises everyday, and they’re thinking ‘Ha! Look at that poor jackass on the street corner. I earn 60 grand a month. He earns nothing!’, while they aren’t earning 60,000 a month at all.
They’re categorically filing, and collecting, hundreds and hundreds of trumped up I.O.U’s.
I asked a couple of people about this, and they pretty much gave me the same answer.
“No, the value of money is based on gold” they said “We can’t obviously trade in gold, so we’re trading cash.”
But trading cash I figured, actually involves moving stuff around that means something.
It would be good, it we gave someone a hundred bucks, and a few weeks later, some chap rolls around and gives him a bag with a hundred bucks worth of gold in it. (So the bag’ll be the size of a stamp. Big deal. Lick it, or something.)
That would mean actually fulfilling the promise of ‘Paying the bearer of this note a sum of rupees hundred’.
The price of money is also fized to the price of gold. Gold is traded. But when I say traded, I don’t actually mean that they’re shipped up and down in cartons. There are people who buy some gold, but it stays wherever it stays. The chap who bought it just owns it.
He can then sell it, without ever having been within a thousand thousand miles of the damn thing.
This is why I study Physics. I deal with things that actually happen. Not with things that we make up, and then pretend we don’t understand.
That’s rather silly.
I went away.
But now I’m back.
Writer’s block, is my excuse. Also that I was boring for some months.
But. On the same note.
Our politicians suck. I can’t be sure that I haven’t ranted about this before, but I’m too lazy to check.
I can give several thousand examples to support this claim. I shall stick with two.
Example #1 – Shashi Tharoor
He himself isn’t an idiot. Quite the contrary. Very lucid, and entertaining, and doesn’t speak monkeese. He’s been in quite a bit of controversy lately. They don’t seem to appreciate his smartness quite as much, apparently. Firstly, he’s realised the existence of computers, and technology quite fully, unlike the rest of our undereducated government. He also knows how to use Twitter. This astonishes them.
“Twit – her?” they are asking “Is that a new form of feminism?”
Shashi Tharoor also understands humour.
“Travelling in cattle class” he tweeted, talking about the Congress’ ‘Economy Drive’ or something like that.
“We aren’t cows!” chorused our ever-lucid politicians.
More recently, he said
“Making it more difficult 2 visit India, return here frequently or stay long hurts large nbrs of innocents, costs us millions of$ & alienates.”
and
“No easy answers 2such qsns Govt is grappling with. But imprt to recognize that security must not become an excuse 2change our cntry 4d worse”
This created such a brouhaha (I’ve always wanted to use that word), that his impeachment was practically called for, even though he is a junior minister.
I can almost hear them screaming in horror, and disgust
“Brains! It’s against Indian values! Questioning decisions is not to be done! Imagine if everyone did that! The moral fibre of our country will come apart! It’s almost like women being educated!”
They never cease to amaze me.
Example #2 – Cooum Cleanup/Elevated Highway
Less amusing, more pressing.
This is actually two things, so it might seem a little math-skewed. But I’m not a mathematician.
Our lovely minister, Stalin (quite aptly named, I think) is proposing a clean up of the Cooum. Admittedly, you can smell it at Bangalore, and it desperately needs cleaning, but what he’s proposed is so stupid, it’s downright funny. Almost.
He wants to start with ‘clearing the encroachments on the river banks’. He continues to say ‘The industries just have to implement their various treatments for effluents’.
A little background, before I go on to explain why this is a bad idea.
He apparently got this idea from Singapore, which we all know, is a surgically clean country. No offense, but Madras was never meant to be surgically clean. It’s meant to be hygenic, and clean, and generally a friendly place. Surgically clean isn’t friendly.
Also – I’ve visited a few villages on the banks of the Cooum, in North Madras, near Ennore, and Manali. Each village holds about 600+ people, and was originally a fishing settlement, with their livelihood depending on fishing.
Sometime ago, around 1960, industries set up around the Cooum, and started leaking yuck into the river, and now, it’s just flowing effluents and sewage and un-fun things for the fish. Now there are no fish, and these fishermen have to travel 15-20 kilometres a day to get to any fish.
Also, there are studies to show that the settlements along the river contribute to about 1% of the total pollution. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where the majority of the other 99% comes from. (NTPC – National Thermal Power Corp. and CPCL – Chennai Petroleum Corporation Ltd are situated along the river. Maybe more on this later.)
Back to the story.
The industries have a reputation for clearly not treating effluents. Nothing to say that they will now. Stalin also has nothing else planned after clearing these encroachments.
And surprise, surprise, there’s an elevated highway being planned along the coast of the Cooum. Hoorah. Now they don’t have to go through all the trouble of clearing out these nuisances, the fools. Don’t they know where not to live?
Incidentally, this isn’t the elevated highway I mentioned earlier.
That one’s an elevated highway running, this is the best part, on the beach. Not by the beach, not overlooking the beach. On it. The other two would be bad enough.
It’s to reduce the congestion from Marina to Kottivakam. Sucks to be any of the fishing villages on the way. They’re all getting relocated to someplace as far away from the ocean as is humanly possible.
Hooray for clear thinking.
Hooray for democracy.
India – The world’s largest democracy.
Darfur – The symbol of peace everywhere.
Atheists.
Mind numbingly rational, even in the face of contrary evidence. They think they’ve got everything figured out, laws of science and all that.
Extremists.
Mind numbingly irrational, especially in the face of contrary evidence. They think they’ve got everything figured out, God will smite you to hell and all that.
An atheist extremist would make an interesting person, I think.
“Actually, I think God doesexist. It’s just that- “
“NO! DEATH UNTO YOU! GOD DOES NOT EXIST!”
“But there was this report in Nature about-”
“LET”S TALK THIS OUT!
“But I am-”
“NO! TALK IT OUT OR DIE!”
“I’m-”
*bang*
We’ve got a much debated topic right here.
Scientology, many say, is just a bit of rubbishspeak strung together with bits of gooey mislogic, to make an altogether sticky, heap of a ‘religion’.
They figure that any religion which has ‘tech’ (yes, I did a brief look up of the wiki article before I started to type this out, so I don’t look a complete loon. So sue me.) in it, isn’t really a religion at all, but more a glorified computer program.
The computer program that will take us all over, perhaps?
Sure, why not? Think about it for a bit.
The Matrix (which we all know to be true) says we all live in a, well, matrix, and that we’re a simulation, and real life involves you to have holes in your neck, and a cool as all hell black suit-thing when you’re in the Matrix. It conveniently forgets to mention what this program is, and where it comes from. It just puts an ‘architect’ in charge of it all, and an Oracle who has a facelift halfway through her life, and goes from being white to black.
Scientology tells us that we’ve descended from ancient space clams, and that we’ve got engrams, which are images of bad things that other people did, and hence we’ve got to rid ourselves of it. It also involves ‘thetans’, some strange alien beings presumably, and stuff about them. And the bad things that they’ve undergone, and hence we have to purge ourselves of it.
Remember Neo’s rebirth thing in the Matrix? That’s probably what’s happening with scientology. They’ve also got technology. And computers probably enter into it somewhere.
Anybody see a resemblance here? Agents, Thetans, Rebirth, Computers…. they’re building the Matrix!
I’ve got dibs on The One.
‘What’s up?’
Indians have a personal space issue.
Especially in public places.
Even more especially in public places like buses.
Now I understand that we’re a country of a billion people, and that providing buses for these billion people, especially when there aren’t 1,33,33,333 buses (each bus holds 75 people. Do the math), will eventually result in crowded buses.
I hate travelling in crowded buses.
But luckily enough for me, people are generally idiots. Two of the exact same bus will happen to come by, one after the other, and they’ll all pile into the first one, leaving the second one completely empty. This is a good thing.
Generally.
Today, after waiting for about half an hour, I was ready to jump into the first bus that went my direction. Except when that bus eventually did arrive, it was packed to the bloody brim with people.
To give you a clear idea of what sort of people, I shall explain to you the surrounding conditions, and you shall infer the rest.
The temperature was at about 32 C, and heat index was at 37 C. That’s mighty hot. People sweat when it’s mighty hot.
People also sweat when they’re packed like rats.
Hey, hey! What a perfect combination of circumstances. The two things that bring out the sweat in people. Yay.
And I’m getting into this bus. First thing on the bus, and I’m already getting abused by the conductor for listening to my iPod. And then I get thrown in the mosh pit.
Wow. Arms and armpits flying everywhere. The sweat, the grime, the heat, the stickiness, the smell, the heat, the sweat, the heat.
Eugh.
About fifteen stops (I exaggerate not. I endured this for a whole forty minutes) later, the bus is reasonably clear, but there are still people clinging to me like I’m some life saver.
When they’ve got the entire bus to take their sweat to, they bring it to me. I must remember to thank them someday.
Personal space, people.
A foot on all sides, at all times.
Monday was a very entertaining day for me.
I had an English exam on Monday. I generally find these terrible, boring, and drudgery-filled. Yuck would appropriately sum it up, because as much as I like reading, I don’t like ‘summarising’, ‘cause I find it hard.
Yes, I’m a loser. Live with it.
Back to story.
We had an English exam, and we couldn’t take the exam in the room assigned to us, and we got shifted a floor down. A friend of mine suggested calling our teacher and telling him (this wasn’t a scripted change, more of a spur of the moment get-outta-here-you-freaks decision) where we were, so he could find us. So I did.
“Sir, we’re in 101 and not 201 for writing our English exam.”
“What?” (I figured he couldn’t here me, ‘cause there was a lot of noise from his end)
“We’re writing it in 101 and not 201”
“Writing what?”
“Our English exam.”
“But you don’t have an exam today!”
“No, sir. We do… we’re all in class, waiting for you.”
“Oh, shit.”
We finally did write it, with me being given responsibility.
But whatever.
I love my college.
“Whaddya talking about?” I hear you ask “We don’t have a president.”
Oh, no. I must correct you. We do have a president.
“Yeah? Sez who?”
No, really.
“Naw. You’re talking through your hat.”
Okay, so let’s get this straight. You’ve seen that lady with the saree every now and then on the news channels?
“Yeah…?”
Yep. That one.
“What?!?”
You hear me.
“You mean… she’s our president? I thought she was the Prime Minister’s gardener!”
You’re pretty close on that one, lemme tell you. The only thing she does is tend to that garden of hers.
—
And that could probably be true. The conversation, I mean. Not the part about the president. That’s real. I’d much rather the other way ‘round.
‘Cause you know… gardeners, I’m told, don’t make very good leaders of countries. And she hasn’t done anything since she became president. She gave an acceptance speech which would have put a primary school kid to shame, and disappeared into obscurity.
I mean, do something with your power. You’ve got the entire damned country at your disposal. At the very least, you could declare an emergency.
Although an emergency under her, we’d all be forced to fade into obscurity.
First woman president.
Phooey.
Will they save us?
Are they the salvation we’ve all been looking for?
Are they going to liberate us from this rubbish?
Shall we finally see an end to terrorism?
Or are they just a bunch of goons who’ve found a (not so) plausible reason to beat up people?
Yeah, that’s what I thought too.
Whatever happened to ‘secular democracy’?
Since when is campaigning for votes the same as hate speech?
Yep. Varun Gandhi, your friend and mine, has just been arrested for hate speech, and trying to incite communal violence. This is a good thing, and one of the few good things that we’ve got right in the recent past.
But looking past his arrest, we’ve got the RSS supporting this nincompoop, and we’ve also got people cheering at his speech.
Let’s come to the people a little later.
The RSS. These guys are trying to run for the central government, and if they’re elected, they’ll be in office for the next five years, and completely unanswerable to anyone. We’ve got some hot headed five year olds (emotionally, anyway) running our country, we’ll probably get involved in a couple of hundred wars, internal and external. We’ll have muslims, sikhs, buddhists, christians, zoarastrians, all being burned and shot at, ‘cause our lovely friend said so.
Our friend with the saffron scarf.
Our friend with the saffron scarf, who is the grandson of Nehru, arguably one of the most influential (in a good way, mind you) leaders in our history.
Our friend with the saffron scarf, the grandson of Nehru, who has read the Gita, and all it has to say about doing your duty and all that.
And apparently his duty is to see India burn.
Which, if allowed to be free, he will do with complete and total effectiveness. Atleast then we’ll have a politician who lives up to his word.
I don’t even think a party like the BJP is allowed to stand constitutionally. Aren’t all parties supposed to be secular? What’s with the whole Hindu-holier-than-thou-and-thou-shalt-burn-and-die attitude?
Quite frankly, I’d rather see Odie run the country than this guy.
We’d all be covered in drool, sure, but the BJP? Really?
Go forth and vote, I say. Go forth and make sure this guy never comes a hundred miles within the Rashtrapathi Bhavan.
I set myself a challenge, remember?
:(
